Walking to the park this morning I was trailing behind two new parents who were out with their baby and their grandmother. The mum was carrying the young bub in the ergobaby carrier and was the very picture of health and happiness.
Just as I was admiring how at ease and capable she looked (and wistfully remembering the ergobaby days) the grandmother, who I think was her mother-in-law, turned to her and said, "You won't be able to do that much longer."
And my heart sank.
I have often been on the receiving end of a statement like that and it sucks. Yes it's fairly mild as criticisms go but as a new parent it stings and it further reinforces the feeling that you are being judged. The mum might have looked capable but I bet inside all she really needed to hear was something positive and encouraging. Why do so many older mums/grandmothers forget that?
Those first few months are tough. Just getting out of the house by a reasonable hour is difficult and every outing comes with much pre-planning and troubleshooting (drive or walk, how close is parking, pram or carrier, will there be stairs, etc etc). Now throw in an outing with your mother-in-law where your new-found and unformed parenting skills are up for scrutiny and it's a challenge.
I imagine for the grandmother that baby carriers are an odd sight but instead of saying "how wonderful that you can carry the baby that way" or "that's a nifty device, the baby isn't too heavy for you is he?", or something of the like, which would have displayed interest and caring and possibly opened up a conversation, she instead only offered negativity.
As for the response, determined to keep it upbeat the mum responded: "Then I guess we'll use the backpack."
And that shut the MIL up.
-- Natalie
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