Stickybeak joins an action group

... and over-excels at the action part while Mummy learns an immutable rule of parenting.

If there's one thing we plan to instil in Stickybeak it will be the importance of standing up for what is right. And to be nice to your parents. And don't mix stripes and plaid. But the first one most of all.

With that in mind we took Stickybeak to a meet-up of local residents to discuss development in our area. It was being held in a cafe and was one of those situations where you take your baby along and hope for the best.

Stickybeak has been going to cafes since he was a week old but it is one thing taking him to a mothers group catch up where there are other babies to provide amusement, extra toys and, let's face it, a sound barrier but it's another to take him to a meeting of adult strangers who plan to discuss veryseriousbusiness.

Which brings me to my Second Rule of Parenting (you can read the first rule here) which is: You never just take a baby to a cafe willy nilly, there is always a plan.

In this instance our plan was going well, he'd had a good sleep and had been changed and fed before we headed out. He was also in good spirits, so, so far so good. We loaded up his bag with distractions and took the pram with the hope that he would sit in it for a while. If it all went badly then one of us would wheel him out of there quick smart and take him home.

We took our first hit with the pram, it was getting in the way (damn those small inner city cafes!) so we took him out of it and stashed it away in a corner. Stickybeak sat on his daddy's lap and, true to his name, he was amused for a while by having a good look around - this was a new cafe to him so there was plenty to take in. I think it gave us a good 10 minutes grace which is nothing to sneeze at. So, again, so far so good.

Then the wrigglepants set in.

And then he got handed over to sit on Mummy's lap.

Here is a list of things I did to amuse Stickybeak while the adults around me discussed letters to MPs, road safety and heritage-listed buildings: I danced Olivia The Owl across the table and dangled her wares (a mirror, a squishy waterdrop and a crinkly leaf) in front of him, I kissed his tummy, his hands, his feet, I let him stand up in my lap facing outwards, then facing inwards, I pulled a (quietish) rattle out of the bag which he happily shook for a while, when that got old I let him play with a sachet of sugar, I bounced him on my lap, I rocked him back and forth, I distracted him with a (quiet) clapping hands game, I pulled out yet another toy from his bag and dangled that in front of him. So far I have to say he was loving the attention. And not only was I doing all of this but I also occasionally had some grown up things to contribute to the meeting, amazing!

But then it all started wearing thin for the little guy. I had run out of options so I fell back onto the Third Rule of Parenting (I really should keep a track of these): when in doubt, stand. So I stood up and whaddaya know, it worked. Bouncing him in my arms while standing was rather effective and bought me another few minutes.

We were just about reaching his limit but the meeting was still in full swing so I stopped pretending that I was paying attention to the adult conversation anymore and I walked him out the back to the cafe's courtyard. Not only was it quieter and cooler back there but it had the bonus of being something new to look at, which is of course Stickybeak's favourite thing.

Once he thoroughly scoped out the courtyard we walked back to rejoin the group. Stickybeak was well and truly over it by now and so was I. This action group stuff is hard work! I was planning to make an eary exit but it seemed the meeting was finally coming to a close. So we pack up the toys that were strewn across the table, collect the pram from the corner and get set to make a speedy exit. Just as we are waving goodbye one person from the group said to me "Wow, Stickybeak is good isn't he? He has been so well behaved."* And her facial expression was a combination of impressed and amazed.

Now you'll have to forgive me when I tell you my initial reaction. You see, I was exhausted and at that moment all I could see was all of the effort on my part. So here is what I felt like saying: 'Are you kidding me?! IT WAS ME, IT WAS ALL ME! Did you not see the lengths I had to go to? Where were you during the standing phase? The clapping game? The bouncing game? Or the part where I had to leave the meeting for a while? If I did none of those things and just sat him in my lap he would have screamed the house down. He would've been Bad Baby. Your worst nightmare of baby in public. Can't you see how frazzled I am??'

Of course I said none of these things. She was being very nice and giving my baby a compliment (which is one of my favourite things). Instead I'm sure I said something like 'yes he is a good baby, we're very lucky'. Because I mean it. He is a good baby** and I do think we are very lucky. But boy, I also think some of the credit was misplaced there. (Yes, I know, I know, there is a whole orchestra of tiny violins playing a sorrowful tune about now).***

But this incident proved to me a Law of Parenting that until that moment I didn't realise existed: when your baby is good they get the credit, when your baby is bad you get the credit blame. I guess I better get used to it, I have a feeling this law really hits home in toddlerhood.

So I agreed that we had an amazingly well behaved baby who was obviously cut out for community meetings and then we hot-footed it home. Once there we played more games, then fed him, bathed him, dressed him, fed him again, read him some books then put him to bed. And then we collapsed on the couch with takeaway menus and did not talk about that meeting again. So much for activism! I think that lesson will be theory based for the first few years.

*Not an exact quote but near enough
**To be honest, I don't believe there is such thing as a good baby or a bad baby. But Stickybeak is definitely a good one.
***Can you have an orchestra of just violins? This is the sort of stuff that keeps me up at night.

I remember when nappy changes were fun

Yes really, it was fun. Especially in the first three months when Stickybeak would lie there and stare up at us and we would take the opportunity to sing songs, kiss his belly, hold hands and marvel at his little fingers and toes. It was great bonding time, I used to make it last as long as possible. We took video and photos. Why do people complain about changing nappies, I used to wonder, they don't even smell that bad.

Then at around six months it started to get a little trickier as he learned how to roll. In the beginning he could only roll from front to back, which was fine, but once he started to get the hang of back-to-front then nappy change times had an added element of fear. To be on the safe side we bought a strap for the change table but other than that it was still pretty good. Sure the smell started to change for the worse but still it was nothing to overly complain about. And we still used the bonding time to take photos.

Stickybeak at 5 months mugging for the camera post change.Fast forward another three months and I finally understand what people were going on about. He now hates nappy change time. HATES it. He expresses this with kicking, screeching and attempted escapes. To make matters worse he has learned how to sit up so keeping him down is impossible - not even the strap can hold him back. I now need three pairs of arms: one pair to keep his chest down, one pair to keep his legs down and another to actually change the nappy. Photos? Forget it. This is no time to linger. We still play with toys and sing songs but it isn't for bonding, it is a desperate attempt at distracting him long enough to get a clean nappy on. And the smell, my god. HAZMAT comes to mind.

So yes, I remember when nappy changes used to be fun. The halcyon days. It's a bit hard to believe now so I'm glad I took the photos and videos while I could (see, it isn't my mind playing tricks, I have proof!). I also can't help but wonder -- what on earth do the next three months have in store? It gets better right ... right?

(On the positive side, bath time has become easier and a lot more fun now that he can sit up.)

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Baby's take on The Great Gatsby (pic)

While Stickybeak admires Jay Gatsby's capacity for love (albeit obsessive love) he promises Mummy that he will never fall for a woman like Daisy Buchanan. He simply can't respect someone so completely lacking in moral fibre.

"Now can we read That's Not My Dragon again Mummy? I really love the one with the tufty ears."

Mamamia what a mess!

Last week Mia Freedman jumped into the breastfeeding vs formula debate with the publication of this column in the Sunday Telegraph newspaper. To quickly summise, Mia wrote of her experience trying to help her friend obtain formula for her baby in hospital - in short, it wasn't easy.

Here is an excerpt:

"Groups like the Breast Feeding Association have done a bang-up job at publicising the benefits of breastfeeding, and I'm not being sarcastic. Is there a woman in the Western world who doesn't know breast is best? Message received and clearly understood. But, in some cases, the pendulum has swung too far, from positive encouragement to negative pressure and borderline bullying."

The article was always going to be somewhat controversial - I think a large part of Mia's success is being able to choose topics that resonate with her readership - but an unfortunate factual error in the piece, where she confused the Australian Breastfeeding Association with the Baby Friendly Health Initiatve (BFHI), helped to unleash a backlash which resulted in a public smackdown by Tara Moss and a severe dressing down from the readers of her mamamia website. One reader even said that the column made her cry.

Here is part of what Tara said:

"I am writing this not just as a mum, an individual, but as patron of the BFHI program, and in this volunteer role it is my job to pass on evidence-based information on this topic, quite beyond my very small sample size or personal anecdotes. It is because of decades of exhaustive research conducted around the world by scientists and health professionals that I can confidently say that the perceived injustice of an objectionable facial expression from a midwife, or the need for midwives to sign off on formula to feed a newborn, in the case of your friend’s experience, is a small inconvenience for a policy that provides significant improvement in health outcomes for babies and mums, eases the burden on our health system and in some cases even saves lives."

Ouch! All of this because of an article trying to support mothers in feeding their babies, whether it is with breastmilk or formula. I bet Mia sat back and wondered 'how did it all go so wrong?'.

Since we started this blog I have been wanting to write a post about formula and breastfeeding but I have been hesitant. My fear was that it was just too much of a loaded issue - loaded with hormones, guilt, fear and of course good intentions and a whole lot of love. Mix them all in together and it starts to get murky. Until this week I didn't know if I was just being paranoid but clearly not!

We have gone the combination feeding route with Stickybeak. He was exclusively breastfed for more than three months and on our doctor's advice we started feeding him formula top ups which turned into one bottle of formula a day, which we still do. It worked for us and along the way I have received mixed responses. Some people are pleased that I am still breastfeeding, others find it odd. Some are openly supportive and encouraging of formula use, others just curious and others have a quiet suspicion. Thankfully I have never received out and out negative judgment on the formula use.

One thing I have learned though is that my breasts are everybody's business. Even when I was pregnant people of varying levels of closeness would ask me if I intended to breastfeed. I truly didn't know what response they were looking for - I still don't - but my response was always the same: I am going to give it a good go and I hope it works out. I did and thankfully it did.

Mia's column clearly struck a nerve which to me highlights what an emotive issue breastfeeding is and echoes my own experience. She had some good points to make that unfortunately were lost because of the execution. I hope the conversation continues because I think that even though Australia has come a long way in supporting mothers to breastfeed we still have a ways to go in supporting all mothers in their milk feeding choices, whatever they may be.

-- Natalie