... and over-excels at the action part while Mummy learns an immutable rule of parenting.
If there's one thing we plan to instil in Stickybeak it will be the importance of standing up for what is right. And to be nice to your parents. And don't mix stripes and plaid. But the first one most of all.
With that in mind we took Stickybeak to a meet-up of local residents to discuss development in our area. It was being held in a cafe and was one of those situations where you take your baby along and hope for the best.
Stickybeak has been going to cafes since he was a week old but it is one thing taking him to a mothers group catch up where there are other babies to provide amusement, extra toys and, let's face it, a sound barrier but it's another to take him to a meeting of adult strangers who plan to discuss veryseriousbusiness.
Which brings me to my Second Rule of Parenting (you can read the first rule here) which is: You never just take a baby to a cafe willy nilly, there is always a plan.
In this instance our plan was going well, he'd had a good sleep and had been changed and fed before we headed out. He was also in good spirits, so, so far so good. We loaded up his bag with distractions and took the pram with the hope that he would sit in it for a while. If it all went badly then one of us would wheel him out of there quick smart and take him home.
We took our first hit with the pram, it was getting in the way (damn those small inner city cafes!) so we took him out of it and stashed it away in a corner. Stickybeak sat on his daddy's lap and, true to his name, he was amused for a while by having a good look around - this was a new cafe to him so there was plenty to take in. I think it gave us a good 10 minutes grace which is nothing to sneeze at. So, again, so far so good.
Then the wrigglepants set in.
And then he got handed over to sit on Mummy's lap.
Here is a list of things I did to amuse Stickybeak while the adults around me discussed letters to MPs, road safety and heritage-listed buildings: I danced Olivia The Owl across the table and dangled her wares (a mirror, a squishy waterdrop and a crinkly leaf) in front of him, I kissed his tummy, his hands, his feet, I let him stand up in my lap facing outwards, then facing inwards, I pulled a (quietish) rattle out of the bag which he happily shook for a while, when that got old I let him play with a sachet of sugar, I bounced him on my lap, I rocked him back and forth, I distracted him with a (quiet) clapping hands game, I pulled out yet another toy from his bag and dangled that in front of him. So far I have to say he was loving the attention. And not only was I doing all of this but I also occasionally had some grown up things to contribute to the meeting, amazing!
But then it all started wearing thin for the little guy. I had run out of options so I fell back onto the Third Rule of Parenting (I really should keep a track of these): when in doubt, stand. So I stood up and whaddaya know, it worked. Bouncing him in my arms while standing was rather effective and bought me another few minutes.
We were just about reaching his limit but the meeting was still in full swing so I stopped pretending that I was paying attention to the adult conversation anymore and I walked him out the back to the cafe's courtyard. Not only was it quieter and cooler back there but it had the bonus of being something new to look at, which is of course Stickybeak's favourite thing.
Once he thoroughly scoped out the courtyard we walked back to rejoin the group. Stickybeak was well and truly over it by now and so was I. This action group stuff is hard work! I was planning to make an eary exit but it seemed the meeting was finally coming to a close. So we pack up the toys that were strewn across the table, collect the pram from the corner and get set to make a speedy exit. Just as we are waving goodbye one person from the group said to me "Wow, Stickybeak is good isn't he? He has been so well behaved."* And her facial expression was a combination of impressed and amazed.
Now you'll have to forgive me when I tell you my initial reaction. You see, I was exhausted and at that moment all I could see was all of the effort on my part. So here is what I felt like saying: 'Are you kidding me?! IT WAS ME, IT WAS ALL ME! Did you not see the lengths I had to go to? Where were you during the standing phase? The clapping game? The bouncing game? Or the part where I had to leave the meeting for a while? If I did none of those things and just sat him in my lap he would have screamed the house down. He would've been Bad Baby. Your worst nightmare of baby in public. Can't you see how frazzled I am??'
Of course I said none of these things. She was being very nice and giving my baby a compliment (which is one of my favourite things). Instead I'm sure I said something like 'yes he is a good baby, we're very lucky'. Because I mean it. He is a good baby** and I do think we are very lucky. But boy, I also think some of the credit was misplaced there. (Yes, I know, I know, there is a whole orchestra of tiny violins playing a sorrowful tune about now).***
But this incident proved to me a Law of Parenting that until that moment I didn't realise existed: when your baby is good they get the credit, when your baby is bad you get the credit blame. I guess I better get used to it, I have a feeling this law really hits home in toddlerhood.
So I agreed that we had an amazingly well behaved baby who was obviously cut out for community meetings and then we hot-footed it home. Once there we played more games, then fed him, bathed him, dressed him, fed him again, read him some books then put him to bed. And then we collapsed on the couch with takeaway menus and did not talk about that meeting again. So much for activism! I think that lesson will be theory based for the first few years.
*Not an exact quote but near enough
**To be honest, I don't believe there is such thing as a good baby or a bad baby. But Stickybeak is definitely a good one.
***Can you have an orchestra of just violins? This is the sort of stuff that keeps me up at night.
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