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So this happened the other day:

Me: "What was that thing that you had a go at me about for always forgetting?"

Noisy Daddy: "You forget everything!!" 

And it's true, I do. Baby brain is still in full swing around here and Stickybeak is just about to turn 1. The really sucky thing is that I'm not even being choosy about what I forget - it's one thing to forget to do a chore it's another to forget that awesome idea I had for a birthday gift for myself.

I guess at some point the memory hits overload, right now it feels like mine is screaming "At Full Capacity". There is just too much stuff to keep track of and not enough time to do everything (and not enough people to do it). Plus I'm tired. Plus my hormones are still elevated (or something). Plus I am trying to be kind to myself which means letting some stuff go.

In the book I Don't Know How She Does It the main character Kate Reddy talks about The List - it's a mental list that she frequently runs through which contains all of the stuff that she has to remember to do, or at least all of the stuff that she has remembered that she has to remember to do. It is spot on. Here is my list right now, if of course memory serves correct:

buy packet mix for birthday cake, visit cake shop for special icing colour, birthday candle(!!), figure out vegetarian party food option, confirm bad weather backup location, buy Stickybeak a present, sort out childcare fee schedule, pay for childcare birthday cake, rsvp to engagement party, buy card and gift(!!), check when swimming term ends, replace gas bottle, buy brother-in-law birthday gift, find book club book (I'm pretty sure we already own it), read book(!!), buy cat biscuits, cancel Quickflix, choose restaurant for Noisy Daddy's birthday dinner, confirm babysitting arrangements, sort out baby clothes that are now too small, pick up parcel from post office, offer baby stuff to my pregnant friends, sell ski boots, plan ski holiday, find cleaner, clean fridge (strawberry jam spill, ugh), ring council to remove hard rubbish, write to govt to oppose neighborhood development, apply for childcare rebate, get Stickybeak a passport photo ... and on and on and on...

This doesn't include my return-to-work arrangements (wardrobe, childcare pickups, etc), general household cleaning (clean duplo bin, remove cat vomit stain, replace litter, etc), household organising (grocery shopping, dinners, clothes washing, etc) and of course writing and co-managing this blog (a lot of work but essential for mental health).

There is also a whole separate list for Stickybeak's development  - book vaccination (OMG the cats! book vaccination for them, worm them!), ensure his meals have variety, what food hasn't he tried, check when to trial reaction to egg and nuts, should we move to toddler formula, maybe milk, what kind of milk, is he ready for a different teat flow, how about a different sippy cup, practice walking, looks up words to that nursery rhyme he liked ... all of this and more runs on in the back of my mind.

How do people stay on top of all of this??

In the book Kate's main problem is that she is working full time and overtime but also is in charge of The List. Everything concerning the children and the family is still all of her domain to keep track of and organise. This is partly my problem too, for eg I would love to be relieved of all birthday duties this year including coming up with gift ideas for myself, but aside from that never happening I am also sure Noisy Daddy has a megalist all of his own. The scary thing is that I imagine it is only going to get worse when I go back to work. Hopefully our new Daddy Day Care arrangement will see some of the items on my list transfer to a mental shared list so when I inevitably forget there is a chance that he will remember.

But for now is it any wonder that I forget everything? I am not a robot but if I was it would most certainly say "system overload, forcing shut down".

Next time Noisy Daddy complains about me forgetting something I will tell him to log a complaint with tech support. Because as I said I am learning to be kind to myself about this and unfortunately everyone around me will be forced to be kind to me too (don't judge me if I do in fact forget to buy Stickybeak a birthday candle or if it rains and you find yourself squashed up against a relative in my cramped, messy house which has a cat vomit stain on the rug).

And if you do come over, whatever you do, don't open the fridge door.

-- Natalie